Bottlenecks

Oh, I’m so close it hurts. The story has been done for a while now, all the technical bookstuff is done as well, I’m standing about six feet from the finish line but I can’t cross it yet.
I was planning a book trailer. Awesome stuff, I promise. Worth the wait, honest. But that’s taking longer than expected.
Now, if that was the only problem, I might be convinced to just go forward with the release and roll out the trailer later. But of course that’s not the only problem. Don’t tell me you thought that was it.
Much like going on vacation, having a book released is great. Releasing a book is a fucking hassle, and I’m beginning to understand why official publishers eat up such a big chunk of the author’s earnings.
Right. I’m trying to get a couple of proof copies ordered from Amazon, and this seems akin to sending humans to colonize Mars for some reason. There’s a little issue with what they call marketplaces. I’ve chosen to publish through amazon.com, because I want to reach as many people as possible. But I need to have the proofs delivered in the Netherlands, which isn’t even an option in the proof request menu. However, amazon.com doesn’t deliver to me. Closest I can get is amazon.de, but they won’t deliver in the Netherlands either.
Look, I understand that sending one of those drones over the border could be construed as an act of war, but I don’t see why they can’t just get a mailman to drive up to the fence (we’ve got fences, right? Big ones?) and toss the package over. They’re books. They won’t break.
I guess we could forgo the proof copies, but I would like to check the general quality before charging you money for it.

So, that’s one thing. Waiting for the proofs. But obviously that’s not the only thing.

In order to get an even wider reach, I’ve chosen to go with IngramSpark as well. They have a pretty big worldwide network, apparently. I sure as fucking well hope so, because they’re also taking a pretty bite out of my cake. 
Dig this: Barnes & Noble takes a certain cut for selling my book. That’s after printing costs have been deducted, of course. Then IngramSpark comes and goes, “We dun did the Barnes & Noble deal for ya, give us 40% of what’s left.”

Rest assured, boss, I will not be quitting soon.

Anyway, everybody wants a piece, but that’s only logical. Maggots get hungry too. However, now IngramSpark is all confused about the ISBN number for As Far As Souls Go. Turns out that Barnes & Noble dips into their registry and since I registered at B&N first (“I can fucking do it all myself, you hear me!”), IngramSpark thinks the ISBN has been used already.
Sure. Fine. Point me to the form, I’ll fill it out and we get this shit fixed.

In a fuckin’ month.

It takes a month for one intern at IngramSpark to tell another intern at Barnes & Noble, “No, we’re doing that now.”
Imagine if I took a month to write that. Shit, if I put a little effort in, I could write a novella in that time. A bad one, sure, but it would convey something more complex than “give us the number, yeah?”
Well. That’s how it stands now. If all goes according to plan (*crickets*), I expect to release on november 1st. I’ll keep you posted, but trust me when I say you will notice when it’s out. I’ll be grabbing people in the streets. “Read it! Read my book! Where are you going? Hey!”

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